The Holy Spirit

When I first started this blog, I wanted to share the experiences and encounters I've had with God over my journey with Him.
I was reminded last night when asked to share my "burning bush" moment with some friends, that I have not yet written about one of the most pivotal moments in my faith walk. This moment was a major turning point for me and I pretty much turned a 180° after it!
I suppose I've neglected to write about such a significant moment because it's hard to put something like this into words that are adequate enough to describe it.. I want my words to do it justice yet I know they never could..
But I'll try anyway because it's important to share.

So, here goes:
Shortly after I first accepted Christ, I went on a women's retreat up in the mountains of Island Park.
One night when we ladies were gathered around in a big circle having a time of prayer, I began to feel very dizzy and sway back and forth before finally falling to the ground. I remember it felt almost like a prolonged head rush. I was having trouble seeing and having trouble hearing. At first I was afraid of what was happening but then I felt what can only be described as an overwhelming and powerful release of every hurt I'd ever experienced up to that moment of my life.
All I could do was huddle there, on my knees and let God poor out of me all the pain I held inside, while I wept so deeply and inconsolably.
Shortly before the time I accepted Christ,  I was getting into some very dark places in my life. I had a very painful upbringing and as a young teenager, was an emotional wreck. I used to come home from a hellish day of school to an empty house, shut myself away in my room and listen to some very bad music and just zone out.
I had so much pain and anger inside that it was starting to turn into hate and rebellious indifference.
I remember crying out to God one morning, begging him to just put an end to my existence. I hated myself.
Looking back, I was seriously just trying to hold on and survive.
I had the very distinct feeling that I was not going to be able to hold on much longer if I stayed where I was, but I felt helpless to do anything about it.
Then, after a visit with family in another state, I felt a love I had never felt and asked my sister about it. And she told me it was Jesus inside her that I was feeling.
Now, we had grown up in the Church world so I was familiar with God and had even asked Jesus into my heart in my bathtub at the tender age of four =)
But over the turbulent years of abuse, divorce, and abandonment, I fell away and didn't really have much interest in seeking out God if my parents could go to church and act spiritual then come home and tear each other, and their children, down. It was a paradox to me and I wanted nothing to do with it.
To this day, there's this worship song that if I listen to it, I can still hear my parents fighting in the background after church.
So, when my sister told me what I was feeling was Christ, I knew OF Him but didn't have a personal relationship with Him so didn't KNOW Him.
I was captivated and wanted to know THIS Jesus. I felt a warm and peaceful love flowing out of my sister that day.
So, to make a long story short, I ended up moving back there shortly after and asked Jesus to make His home in me.
But I was still listening to the wrong music and had all the dark poison of my formative years trapped deep inside of me.
Which brings us back to that night at that women's retreat.
After what felt like a good hour of just inconsolable sobbing, I felt emotionally exhausted but also felt something I'd never felt before. I felt this sense of peace and rest I'd never had.
When I went to my cabin that night, I had the most peaceful sleep I'd ever experienced and for the first time ever, I felt clean.
I started to turn a complete 180° after that beautiful night and the things that once had a hold of me had no power over me any longer! I lost all interest in the music and movies that once captivated me.
But most of all, I had a kind of softness about me that I previously lacked. A love in my heart, not only for God, but also for people!
He had truly captured my heart and even my teachers noticed the difference in me.
One night, when I had offered to stay and clean up after the closing night party for our school play, one of my teachers offered to drive me home since it was late and dark.
When she got to the driveway, she told me she didn't know what had happened over the summer but that I was a completely different person than she had known the year before. That now I seemed softer somehow and was always helping others.
She asked me what had happened to change me in such a dramatic way and I just beamed as I told her it was Jesus and all that He had done and was still doing for me.
Now, I don't know what ended up happening with that teacher but I know she was listening as I testified to God's power that night and He touched her heart as only the Holy Spirit can.
She moved away shortly after that encounter but I'd like to believe she started an amazing journey with God! =)
Wow, this turned into a novel!!
Kudos to you if you stayed with me til the end! ;)
In closing, I will say that only God can do what was done for me that night. To remove years and years of hopeless pain and give me hope and a future!
He truly softened my broken heart that night and gave me a new heart!
If you don't know Jesus personally or are unsure, I'd like to encourage you to seek Him out and ask Him to make Himself known to you. I can promise you this: you will never regret the decision you made to follow Jesus Christ, no matter what storms may come! =)
I still haven't.

Joel 2:25
And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten

1st Peter 4:8
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.