My little one has been sick with a high fever for the past three days..
It has not been fun on either of us. No sleep and periodic temp checks.
I have had to watch her temperature very closely as it kept getting out of control the moment the Motrin wore off.
That means an accurate temperature was needed so the middle of the night bum checks commenced.
She was not a fan.
She is a very private girl that likes her personal space and got extremely upset when I had to take a temp.
To make things worse, her temp got up to 104.9 at one point during the night and she was not wanting to take the Motrin. Just wanted to sleep. I had to be the one to ensure she did indeed take it and sweet talk was getting us nowhere. With her temp climbing about a degree every ten minutes once the Motrin had worn off, I had to think fast. I don't like to ever force things on my child but I made an exception, laying her back in my arms and syringing the medicine down her throat as I tried to empathize with her plight.
Long story short, she wanted nothing to do with me and acted scared of me the next few days. =(
This really hurt my mommy heart.. if she was with her dad and I walked into the room, she would completely ignore me. Wouldn't make eye contact with me. Would scream if I talked to her. Went into a complete fit if I tried to hold her.
And it really hurt.
I was on the phone, complaining to my mom one night. I told her how my own daughter seemed terrified of me after the temp checks and Motrin incident, and tried to hide away from me. About how it hurt so bad. Knowing that I was doing what I knew was best for my daughter, even if she couldn't see that. Even if she thought I was trying to harm her.
I felt like I'd lost my little girl's trust and confidence in me to always protect, love, and make the best decisions for her..
Oh, how it stung!
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: that still, small voice whispering into my conscious awareness.
"I know how you feel.."
His voice sounded so sad.
I realized that God was that parent! That big, intimidating, and at times, seemingly cruel parent.
How He just wished I would trust Him to do what was best, even when it seemed so scary. Even when I didn't understand.
And even when I wondered if I was just a means to an end for Him.
And I was that child. The one shying away and running from His love. Not trusting Him enough to let Him close to me.
The things He was encouraging me towards felt uncomfortable and downright scary! I didn't understand how they could be good for me.
I even wondered at times if our relationship was just a cruel game..
But just like my little girl didn't understand that I was trying to help and protect her, how she could never grasp the concept of why I needed to do what I did and I had no hope of trying to explain it to her, just in that way, God is the loving parent that does what's best for His children.
His thoughts and ways are so far above ours that we can't always grasp the concept of why He's doing what He is.
For Him to try and explain it in a way that we would even get it would be pointless. It would go right over our heads.
(I'm a firm believer that that is why Jesus used a lot of parables.)
That's where the trust needs to come in. And if I go back through my track record with God, He has never steered me wrong! Even when it seemed painful or terrifying, when I held on tight and just trusted Him as He led me through the valleys, once I came out on the other side beautifully polished and able to view the big picture, He was and is so faithful!
This concept blew through my fear and I resolved that I was going to trust Him through the storms again.
I had not been trusting Him lately and had been avoiding Him with much guilt in my heart.
When it comes down to it, He is our Father and we are His children. Just as my child is precious to me, we are so much more precious to Him!
I firmly believe it hurts His heart when lose our trust in Him and hide away.
The Bible says He knows and numbers the very hairs on our head! The creator of the universe, which we have not even been able to find an end to, sees the little speck that we are and knows and loves us!? No, adores us!
Mind= blown!
I don't know about you but I'm gonna renew my effort to trust Him.
If the creator of everything, including the big picture, takes an interest in my well being and wants to guide me through the storms, I want to hang on tight for the ride! =)
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
